Snape's Confessions
by writingblondie
Summary: Every year Severus visits Lilly's grave. And every year she can hear him. Set during HBP. JL


Okay so i woke up this morning with this idea in my mind. I really like it so i hope you do too! and if there are any grammar mistakes please tell me. i read through it once and didn't see any but i didn't get this Betad sooo if it's choppy i appologize! I hope you like! i think it gets a little sad at some parts so youve been warned.

Summary: Every year Severus visits Lilly's grave. And every year she can hear him. Set during HBP. JL

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I wish i did but i don't.

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><p>"Oh Sevy," Lilly sighed. She was in Above as she had been for the last 15 years after Lord Voldemort murdered her and her husband. Shortly after they arrived in Above, they found that they were in the "afterlife" as it was called by most people on earth. Here it was just "Above". There were two sections of Above. There was the wizard section and the muggle section. They lived in the wizard section and had a house of their own. In the kitchen, there were two small tubes coming out of the wall. One was labeled <em>James<em> the second one _Lilly_. They were speakers from their graves. When people visited them, they could hear what the person was saying. Harry had never been to their graves. Every once in a while they heard from Remus but that was only once every few years. Dumbledore came once about four years ago after Harry's second year. It was rare that anyone came.

Only one person ever came to Lilly's grave every year.

Severus.

Every year at Eleven O'clock P.M. sharp on Halloween, Severus came to Lilly's grave. And every year James would hold her and not say anything while she listened. After the first year, he learned that was what she needed and that telling her not to listen to the "Slimy Git" only made her mad. Extremely so.

For the last five years, Severus had complained about teaching her own son. But for the last two she felt like he had softened up and was beginning to even like him. But every time he ended his rant about her son with, "But he has your eyes Lilly. And every time I see his face I get mad. I get mad and think '_Why doesn't he look like me? Oh right, because he's a Potter.'_ But then I look in his eyes and I think, '_But he's Lilly's.'_"

It was now Ten O'clock and she was already in the kitchen sitting on a stool she had conjured up. James would be down soon but she couldn't help but be there early just in case Severus was early.

"Hello love," James said as he walked into the kitchen, "are you ready?" She silently nodded. Secretly, James was glad about Severus's visits for the last few years. He had updates on Harry. They were the sole things that kept him from sealing Lilly's tube.

James conjured her chair into a love seat so he could hold her comfortably. Though it was probably an odd sight to see a love chair in the middle of a kitchen, it didn't matter. He just wanted Lilly to be happy.

They silently watched the Clock tick. Thirty minutes later they heard the rustling of feet by the speaker. They then heard the soft noise of flowers being laid down.

"Lilly." Severus breathed. They heard him rustle something around. "I'm sorry I'm so early. I just thought I should give myself more time to speak to you, especially since this may be…" he sighed and took a deep breath, "this may be the last time I get to come here. I made an unbreakable vow with Narcissa that I would protect Draco and help him carry out his duty given to him by the Dark Lord this year."

Lilly gasped. "_An unbreakable vow? Severus what were you thinking! You don't even like that boy" _she yelled.

"I know you'd be disappointed Lilly. I can almost hear your voice in the back of my mind." Lilly smiled. "But I had to do it to keep my cover. If I hadn't both Narcissa and Bellatrix wouldn't trust me and I'd never be able to be the spy _Dumbledore_ needs me to be." Lilly was shocked at the animosity in Severus's voice when he mentioned their former headmaster. "When I told Dumbledore about the oath he contemplated for a long moment. I was so anxious to find out if I had broken his trust I almost broke my cold appearance. I had told him I have to kill him," Both Lilly and James were alarmed. "_Did he just say he had to kill Dumbledore?" _James was too shocked to speak. "and all the old man did was think. Not shout, not lecture, not cry. Nope. He sat there, thinking, and then said 'Severus, do you know what this is?' as he showed me his dark, cracked finger. It was black Lilly. His hand was rotting. Not only that but you know that only very dark magic can do that. I was shocked. When I told him he'd die from it, he simply said, 'Well, then I'm glad you'll put me out of my misery before this takes over completely.' I asked him how. And Lilly, oh Lilly." Severus stopped. The soft noise of sobs could be heard shaking the man's body.

"What could be this bad James?"

"I don't know Lils."

Severus spoke up, but only in a whisper. "Horcruxes. Lilly, Voldemort made Horcruxes before he died. Seven of them." Lilly's eyes bulged.

"_Horcruxes. He made horcruxes?" _Lilly was shocked. James was as well. There wasn't much to do in Above but read.

"One was the Diary, so when Harry destroyed it the horcrux itself was also destroyed. Dumbledore found a ring that was another one and put it on. That's what made it start Lilly. On his hand. The rotting." Severus was quiet for a few minutes. "He's giving Harry lessons. That boy really is much smarter than I ever gave him credit for." Severus chuckled and Lilly and James smiled. "Of course he is your son. But that boy is far to brave for his own good." _Here we go… now he'll start bashing James…_, "The one downfall of his father. The brave git. Lilly I have a confession to make. Knowing this is probably the last time that I will ever be here and be able to talk to you, I haven't hated James in a very long time."

Lilly's jaw dropped. James's eyes bulged.

"Now don't get me wrong, I was extremely jealous of him from the start. I could tell you liked him. I could tell you only thought of me as a friend. And I hated him for it. He teased me constantly and you defended me constantly but I knew. I knew you'd end up together. And in seventh year, when we weren't talking but you were with James, I couldn't hate him. I couldn't hate you. I still love you." Lilly felt tears start to fall down her cheeks. "And I just hoped to god that he would make you happy. I continued the act of animosity but it was never really there. I needed to believe he was a good person or else I was convinced you wouldn't have picked him and he'd never make you happy. I'm sorry for being such a bastard to your son Lil. I really think he hates me. And, well, I don't. I really don't. But if I don't act like I do, my cover will be broken and I won't be able to protect him. And I know you'd want me to Lilly."

She burst into tears and clutched her husband's chest. She wasn't sure she could listen to Severus's whole drabble today.

"But Lilly. My ability to protect him going to stop soon. Dumbledore is trying to find the Horcruxes before the end of the year when he knows he'll die but he said that _Harry_ will have to find the rest." Severus grumbled, "He says it will be easier for him. Since… since he's a Horcrux himself." He added quietly. Lilly and James were horrified.

"He'll have to die Lils. He shouldn't have to carry a burden like that at 16. And I have the strange feeling I will die too. But if I die, it won't be at the hands of the Order Lilly. It will be at the hands of Voldemort. And I'll do it protecting Harry."

Lilly sobbed harder. Severus was quiet for a long time. It was now 11:45 and he'd have to be back by 12 in order to patrol the halls. "I don't have much longer to talk Lils, I have my patrols at 12. Harry hasn't been as happy as he usually is Lils. I tried teaching him Occlumency and one lesson he arrived early and looked in my pensive. It was bad Lil. So bad. I had been trying to keep the memory out of my head for every lesson just in case he somehow got in. He saw James and Sirius bullying me." Lilly cringed, "I was so mad. I know he was just curious but I told him to not touch anything." Severus breathed deeply. "He misses Sirius I think. He misses Sirius a lot. We never try to mention him at Order meetings since he always gets a sad look in his eyes. Well, they don't and I just pretend that since I hated him so much I don't care that he's dead. But I appreciated that he gave Harry a family. More than he'll ever know." They heard a whimper on the floor behind them and quickly turned around. At some point, Sirius had come in as Padfoot and lay down very quietly. James gave him a weary smile. "Well Lils, it's time for me to leave. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I told you this already but I'll still always regret telling Voldemort the prophecy. Never in a million years would I have thought that he'd go after you. I told him to spare you. I did. I tried to save you Lilly. I'm sorry I didn't. But I will do everything in my power to help him on his journey. Even if he doesn't know who's helping him or why, I'll help him be one step ahead of Voldemort. That's a promise." The heard Severus get up and stand there for a few more minutes. They heard a soft, "I love you Lilly. I always have. Goodbye." They heard a soft _Pop_ and they knew he was gone.

Sirius quickly changed to Padfoot and said, "I'm sorry for intruding. I came in at 11 thinking you'd be asleep so that I could eat some food. I never thought you'd be listening to…"

"Well. I never thought I'd see Severus here James." Everyone in the room whipped their heads around. There were now three tubes. One had just been added labeled _Sirius_. And noise was coming out of James's.

"Huh, I guess I should have known I wouldn't be the only one to come visit you three but I have the strange feeling he was only here for Lilly." The trio smiled. Once again, the smartest of the Mauraders was right again. Remus had come back after all.

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><p>I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading! Please review :)<p> 


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